Recognition

"There are days when you feel wonderful, without being able to attribute the feeling to any real event. Of course, your rational mind will search for a reason for your happiness. But if you count the number of times when you do things against your will or better judgment, it becomes obvious that logic and reason do not always apply to this world. Don't even try to understand, just enjoy, dear Scorpio! "

My horoscope for today pretty much sums up how I have been feeling. There is nothing phenomenal going on. No good luck, no bad luck. Everything has been moving at the same pace. But I feel good. The weather is getting nice and we are spending more time outside. My kids are doing good. They are happy, they are healthy and we are enjoying our time together.

Sometimes I wish that I had something controversial to blog about. Some bad moment or bad day. Blogging does not seem as interesting when it is just about the great pace that life is moving at.

I think I personally hit a good stride at the dawn of 2009. Something had to change. Our survival was questionable with the way things were going. I approached 2009 with a positive attitude. I found that strength that is always there, maybe just buried a little further than I want it to be. I realized that you get out of life exactly what you put into it.

Sure, we all go through bad times and bad days. I have had ups and downs. But, I am just going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start over again. Every day is a new day and a new beginning. I am still repeating Albert Einstein's quote through my head like a mantra: The definition of insanity is doing the exact same things and expecting different results. If I wake up every day with a piss poor attitude and a doom and gloom outlook, that is exactly what my day will turn out to be.

I feel like the attitude I am putting out there is coming back to me. A coworker commented on the great outlook I have now, a family member told me that she hopes when she has kids that they are like mine, smiling and happy, and she can be a great mother like I am.

The side benefit of all this is that I am finding myself again. I will always hold certain titles; mom, girlfriend, friend, daughter, sister; but I am more than that. I think that I did lose myself, my identity, through all the struggles I have been through. When a family member was having a hard time, I had to step into the "daughter" or "sister" title, when the kids were struggling, I had to be "mom". I struggled for a long time with balancing my other "roles" with just being me. I think I have finally figured it out.

It is nice to remember that I am still funny, still have a really lame sense of humor, that I can still be sarcastic and caring and concerned. I can still be a shoulder to cry on and still listen when I need to. It is nice to feel comfortable in my own skin again. To look in the mirror and recognize the other person looking back at me.

So, no hot topics today. Just a long rambling post about how awesome I am!