Hoping For Happy Holidays...

I have been completely in my own world lately. There has been a ton of stuff going on. Nothing that caused a crisis, just life.

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My boss is gone until mid-January. He left last week and he is in Australia. I have a ton of big projects to get done before he gets back. He gave me my xmas bonus before he left (it was a nice bonus) and he did my review with my raise (yeah for raises during a crappy economy).

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I finished my insurance class last week and took my test yesterday morning. I was freaking out. I felt completely unprepared and the actual test (and the test center) made it worse. I really thought I was going to fail it. I was all smiles when I got my magic piece of paper that had the big PASS on it.

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I am dating V again. So far, things are going good. The kids do not know and will not know. When and if we decide to be completely serious about each other, I will tell the kids. They do not need to feel any more hurt or disappointed. I realized the power of forgiveness. I forgave V. I am not sure what I forgave him for or why (as I think we both had a big part in the demise of our relationship). I am not forgetting anything that he did but we are trying to start with a clean slate. We don't see each other as often as we would like because of the kids. But for now, that is the option. I told him that I was ok with it for now but at some point, decisions would be made. I am a package deal. I will not date someone while I pretend I am not a single mother. He understands and agrees.

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B is being an idiot like usual. Doesn't want the supervised visitation, wants to go back to court (even if it means not seeing the kids again for 2 months which is how long it takes to get a hearing in Family Court). H wanted to cancel last weekend's supervised visitation (and called me 3 times letting me know how unsafe he thought it was to bring the kids out in the bad weather, how unsafe he thought my car was, how cold it was, how bad the roads were, etc). I called the center and told them that we were not doing the visitation, that we agreed that the weather was too bad. The center called to verify with B and Crazy answered the phone and told them that they had no intention of cancelling the visit, that I called and made a big deal out of bringing the kids out and that they were pretty upset with me for cancelling. So, now it looks I cancelled (because I made the call) and I am responsible for paying both our fees because she lied. When the center called me today, I was pissed and I let them know I was pissed. I told the center that Crazy has no rights or authority over any of this situation. That I talked to B so it would be pretty hard for her to have an opinion about OUR conversation and from this point forward, they are to speak to B only and NO.ONE.ELSE.

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The co-parenting relationship is just not happening and will not happen. I have tried to be civil and nice and it ends up backfiring on me. B's only goal is to be manipulative and scheming. When he is civil and nice, I keep hoping that this will be the turning point but it never is. I am not sure what to do from here. I can be a huge bitch to him and stick to my guns but that is not conducive to a good relationship. I can always assume he is lying but with the same results. At this point, we are not going to deviate from the schedule...ever. If the kids are sick, too bad for him. I am bringing them to the center and he can sit there for 2 hours with sick kids. I tried to make arrangements for him to see the kids on Christmas Day but he is being a jackass because I will not drop the kids off there for an all day unsupervised visit. I offered to bring them his parents house but he doesn't want to go over there. I offered to meet him somewhere but he wants all the rest of his family to be there so he doesn't want that. I throw up my hands. I offered to knock off a couple of the supervised visitations,just to try to make things go a little more smoothly. I am taking it back. He is doing all of them, when he is supposed to. No cancellations, no nothing. If he would like to see the kids on Christmas, he can drive down here and see them. I will be writing a letter to the judge regarding the situation. I will attach the emails Crazy has sent me on his behalf. I will attach the records of the phone calls he made wanting to cancel the visit. If this is how it going to be, so be it.

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The little girl has the flu. I have Christmas tomorrow with parents. I have my house and possible B on Christmas Day. The kids are supposed to go spend a couple days with my mom (so she has company over Christmas, they miss her, she misses them and I will get some alone time and some time with V). I am hoping that she will be ready to go tomorrow.

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Other than that, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas. Be safe and enjoy the time with family and friends. Remember what Christmas is about....