Out with the Old...In with the New

The saga continues...

There is absolutely nothing I can do, besides bending over and taking it in the rear, to please B any longer. I have received the typical "I'll see you in court" threats all week. He is still hell bent on getting me held in contempt of court. I finally just told him to do what he wanted. I also informed him, in a very kind and calm voice, that he should keep a few things in mind:
1. I was not obligated to be the supervisor for ANY of the visits. The fact that I did was only because I felt it was important for the kids to maintain some sort of contact with their dad. At no time did I indicate that me supervising would replace the actual court ordered supervision.
2. His phone calls are sporadic at best. And in continuing to be difficult, he called 5 times on Christmas Eve when he KNEW that me and the kids were at Christmas with my family. The fact that he managed to carve out a niche of time to finally talk to our kids was not my problem. He had ample opportunity to call prior to our holiday gathering. In fact, I am not required to sit around at home 3 days/week on the off chance that he may call. He is completely out of his mind if he believes that the judge is going to order me to stay by the phone in case he has time or wants to call on the days he is supposed to.
3. He wants to see the kids on Thursday, rather than the Sunday. We agreed on Sundays as our visitation day (which was court ordered). I said that I would let him know, he got pissy, said he was going to call the supervision center and have our visitation moved to Friday this week because Sunday doesn't work for him and he is "tired of doing everything on my schedule". I informed him that I have MY copies of the receipts from the visitation center that clearly show Sunday on every one of them. He cannot and will not change the day just because he feels like it. In addition, the schedule on Friday requires the kids to be at the supervision center until 9:00 pm. I am certain that is a little late for a 4 yr old and 3 yr old to be out and a little late to expect anything productive to come of the visit.
4. I would be glad to inform the judge that I made several reasonable alternatives for Christmas Day so he could spend time with the kids (taking into account the terms of the court order-no contact with Crazy or the other spawns and the visit being supervised). He CHOSE not to see our kids on Christmas Day because getting his own way and on his terms only was more important than seeing the kids.
5. Contempt charges work both ways. He can be held in contempt for missing his court-ordered phone calls and his court-ordered visitation. I am not the only parent required to follow the terms of the court order. If he wants me held in contempt, he is looking at the same charge.
6. I interpreted the court order in the way I thought would be best for the kids. Just because it did not agree with his views doesn't mean that my way is wrong. There was ample room for interpretation in that court order.
7. I am sure that with all his missed phone calls, promised phone calls, missed visits and lack of cooperation, he will have some explaining to do. I am also sure that the judge will be really supportive of B's position when I tell her that he missed last Sunday's visit because our football team was playing for a playoff spot. I am also very sure that the judge will be supportive of B's position when I let her know that he doesn't want to see them on Sunday this week because they are playing in their playoff game. Big decision...see my kids vs. watching football.
8. These kids are not toys or possessions or something fun to do when you have time. They are babies with feelings...feelings that are getting hurt. He has no right to come and go as he pleases and expect me to stand by and watch without saying a word. I am a good parent. Maybe I am not always 100%. Maybe I have bad days. Maybe I yell too much. Maybe I do lots of things wrong. But I do know that I DID NOT walk out on them, I DID NOT make them question whether I loved them or not and I DID NOT disappear from their lives.

I am hoping 2009 bring less turmoil than 2008. I am hoping that at the end of next year I am not so desperate for a new year just so I can dump another bad one.

I wish everyone a safe and happy New Year!