I am trying to work through everything that is going on right now in my mind and I just have nothing to write about. I have way too many thoughts flying around right now. I am alternating between wanting to vomit and wanting to punch something and scream.
Here are the 7 stages of grief which can be applied to this situation too:
1. Shock or Disbelief
2. Denial
3. Anger
4. Bargaining
5. Guilt
6. Depression
7. Acceptance and Hope
Looks like I get 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 at the same time. The bad news...it sucks. The good news...only one more to go.
I heard this song this morning which made me sad and angry at the same time
Mark Wills-Almost Doesn't Count
Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I, didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
I can't keep lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for
Gotta find somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no-doubt to be-there kind of girl
You came real close
But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
I can't keep lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for
Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back
From the cruel, cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count
Maybe I'll be there
Maybe I'll see ya 'round
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count
That about sums it up I guess. I was just too _____ (insert appropriate word here: tired, stupid, careless, blind, overwhelmed, etc) to realize, care or do anything about it.
Someday I will chalk all of this (ex, V, kids, legal, etc) to lessons learned. Just not quite there yet...
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5 comments:
Oh, man, it has been OVER 5 years since my divorce, my middle son hasn't seen his dad in well over a year, and I still havne't "gotten over it." Yes, there are lessons learned, and learned well-and for that, of course I am grateful. But it isn't easy, and when you have kids and continuing problems regarding support or lack of, visits, etc...it is as if there is never any resolution. I feel for you, and am here to testify that you will carry the scars with you forver but over time it gets easier to deal with. Stay strong, my sweet fellow single mama-
Don't rush yourself into getting 'over it' -- You put everything you had into something and it was thrown back in your face.
Thinking of you, sending single mama hugs and support your way. Keep blogging about it...getting it off your chest generally helps.
Amen on the rushing Liz, cause until its finally come to a close, you can't pretend you're over it. Somedays I think I'm over it and ready to move on, then I'm right back to #3 again.
Hang in there girl! The days of nausesa reactions to the phone ringing will pass (I'm still waiting for that day too).
Kori-Where is that "Why single moms don't date" post?
Liz-Thank you. I feel the need to rush because I am not single, I have a very important job to do and they are not going to wait for me "to get over it". So I just want it done.
Hanna-I am so over ex. It never crosses my mind and I never get hung up on him. The anger I feel for him is because he is POS dad. I feel such relief when I finally make it past a "time"...the times of day he would normally call. Thank god for small favors.
I'll let you in on a little secret. You never get "over" it. But the pain of it all doesn't take over your life as hard and as often the further you get from it. I agree with everything Kori, Liz and pisceshanna said. I'm so glad we're finding a single mom community here to get us all through it. It's really the only thing that makes me feel like I'm not alone.
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