It's Always Something, Right?

I would like to thank Kori for my blog title this evening. She had a post today that pretty much sums up how much life sucks right now. I offered to bring the hats for the pity party. I could also use a major distraction, like Hanna, but I just don't think I can stomach a distraction. I have stated more than once that my blog is my therapy so I am going to use it for that. Any sad and depressed souls may want to avoid the completely depressing post I am about to write.

I have been dating someone for almost a year. I don't blog about him because 1)he normally does not make me mad and 2)he finds this whole thing weird. He has met my kids and spent significant time here with us. He was basically living here (although maintaining another residence). He had some legal troubles before I met him that he has been working diligently on getting fixed...mainly not having a driver's license.

I live in a SMALL town. There is a couple stations, bars and some churches...typical small town. A friend of V's got pulled over on Friday night leaving the bar and got a DWI. When his gf found out, she basically ended the relationship. V's friend (R) needed a place to go and V said he could stay at his apartment. R said he would pay rent, etc. Good deal.

Yesterday, the kids stayed overnight at my mom's. So, with a night free, we decided to grab some dinner with a couple that he is close with (I really like them too). When I got home from work, I changed, checked mail and email, etc before we left. V says that he has come up with this plan that he wants to tell me about. He decides that it would be a good idea to give up his apartment, find an apartment with R and share the rent with him. He found an apartment for them and it will save him $50/month. R apparently cannot afford the place on his own.

Right away I said this was a dumb idea. He is going to give up an apartment he pays for but doesn't sleep at for another apartment that he will pay for but does not sleep at?? Now, I am not one of those girls that is going to force a guy to live with me. We have talked about (and had some really serious disagreements) about him keeping this other place as a safety net. In addition, up until a month or so ago, I was footing the bill for ALL the bills here. If he was going to think about giving up the apartment that he was wasting $$ on for the past 6 months, why not just really move in here.

Our disagreements about his apartment are mainly because I was feeling like a doormat. He was reaping the benefits of staying here but didn't have to take on any of the responsibility because he wasn't "living" here. In addition, he said some pretty shitty things about how the kids are not his kids and he should not have to pay for them, that is what their dad is for. Because he does not have a DL, I was driving him to work in the morning, picking him 2 nights/week and dropping off/picking from AA meetings on Friday nights.

So last night, he basically says that I just need to understand because this is what is going to happen. Well, that was the completely wrong thing to say. I have been MORE than patient and there is no way I am going to "understand". He had already set the wheels in motion based on the assumption that I would just be ok with getting the shaft for a while longer because he was saving $50/month.

My answer...you made your bed, lie in it. Too bad for ASSUMING that I would just take your bullshit for a while longer. Too bad for assuming that I wanted to continue to be your bank, your maid, your personal chef and your chauffeur so you could save $50/month. Too bad for assuming that I would just agree with your opinion and your stupid ass plan.

I am so f$#@&* angry right now. Like I give a shit that R cannot pay his rent. When did that become MY problem? Or better yet, when did it become V's problem. He is a big boy. He made a stupid decision that he has to pay for now. THAT HE HAS TO PAY FOR... I didn't force liquor down his throat, hand him his keys and tell him to drive like a dipshit and get pulled over. So why do I have to hold his hand just because V wants to?

Some men are so stupid (sorry Dad's House). This is the reason why women don't want to be in a relationship. Since when do we put ours on hold because one of your dumbass friends got himself in trouble? Since when do I have to continue to support everyone in this house while you try to get your act cleaned up and support your friends? Since when is any of this my problem? You want to claim that we are in a relationship and that makes it my problem? No, No, No! The only problems you want me to take on are the ones that suit your stupid, selfish needs. Because, god forbid, we reverse the roles, I am suddenly giving you more responsibility than you want.

I am so annoyed and pissed that I wasted my time on this bozo. I am upset because I, once again, have to explain to the kids why someone left. I am never getting into another relationship. Now I know why single moms stay single.

And while I am bitching...I sent the letter to B like lawyer suggested and he sent me an email back thanking me for thinking of alternatives but he was awarded unsupervised parenting time by the courts and he is not spending his parenting time with me. He said he is sad that he has only seen the kids for 45 minutes in the last 6 weeks. Then he says he has a suggestion...I should drive the kids to his house and stay there during his parenting time.

What part of "the kids don't want to go your house" do you not understand? What part of "I will meet you in a PUBLIC place" do you not understand. What part of ANY of this is confusing for you, you f&^$&!% tool! How much clearer do I need to make it.

THE KIDS ARE SAYING YOU HIT THEM, DON'T FEED THEM, YELL AT THEM, PUNCH HOLES IN THE WALL, SCREAM AT EVERYONE IN YOUR HOUSE, SHOW THEM YOUR PRIVATE PARTS, PUNISH THEM SEVERELY AND I WOULD BE THE DUMBEST MOM ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH TO SEND OUR KIDS INTO YOUR TWISTED, VIOLENT WORLD.

Do you get it now?!?!?! What else can I possibly say to you to make you understand?!?!?


Ahhhh...the tightness in my chest is slowing dissipating.