Sometimes I really wonder if I am ever going to be content and happy with the love that I have. I feel jaded by life and by the relationship disappointments that I have endured. You would think that after all that, including becoming a single mom, I would feel more open to any kind of love. But I don't.
I still want the fairy tale. I want the sweep-me-off-my-feet-fall-in-love-live-happily-ever-after-kind of love. I feel like I deserve that. I feel like I am settling for anything less than that. Maybe is it not realistic and maybe it will never happen. Maybe that is a disappointment I feel face for the rest of my life.
I have no doubt that I know how to love my kids, I question my ability to love myself...maybe I am just not capable right now of loving another person.
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I was just discussing the concept of "the one" with my friend at lunch today. (We're both single.) There are some marriages out there that seem really, really happy. But then there are some that really, really suck. I'd rather be single than be in another sucky relationship. But I hope, as well, that those aren't my only choices.
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