First, I do have some stuff planned for us this weekend. We are making Halloween cookies together. I bought pumpkins for the kids to carve (actually, they will just scoop and I will carve). We did not do pumpkins last year because we were moving and it seemed pretty dumb to move pumpkins. My mom is taking them on some kind of Halloween nature walk or something. The kids do have to see their dad on Sunday...supervised by the GAL.
The other night I could not sleep...at all. The big red numbers on the clock were glaring me right in the eye...1:54. So I did what any other normal person would do...watched a movie. The choices at 2:00 a.m. are not great but I found something...High Fidelity. I really like this movie. I love his lists. Rob has lists for everything. So, in honor of High Fidelity, here are my Top 5's.
Top 5 Reasons I Miss V:
1. He was a nice guy
2. I enjoyed spending time with him
3. I was not alone
4. My kids loved him
5. We cooked dinner together
Top 5 Reasons Why I Don't Miss V:
1. His drinking
2. His negative attitude
3. His neediness
4. His complaints about the kids
5. His distance in our relationship
Now, ironically, I had to search really hard within myself to even come up with my top 5 "Miss" list. The "Don't Miss" list was fairly easy and I could have listed more. It is less stressful for me to not have to worry about maintaining another relationship. I put a lot of hard work into that relationship and for what? I knew from the beginning that I should have listened to my gut, my instinct. Whatever.
Although I have been posting on my blog, it has not been the entire depth of my thought process. I am not just focused on the now and the surface. I am focused on the future and the solution.
I know what I need to do:
a. I need to find peace and strength-in our life and in myself
b. I need to nurture my kids back to health (emotional health)
c. I need to find an outlet for my anger, sadness and frustration (blogging is not working, talking is not working, counseling is not working, meds are not working)
d. I need to solve some money issues to give us a little extra financial breathing room (it is close now and way too close for my comfort level-especially with winter coming)
So here are my options that I have come up with already:
1. Find a PT job. But this requires a babysitter and I need to think about the monetary implications (I receive childcare assistance and the extra income may make my copayment go up). This would get me out of the house on a regular basis and it would keep my mind busy.
2. Exercise on a more regular basis. This also requires a babysitter. It is hard to do it at home with the kids there.
** Anything requiring a babysitter also needs to be well thought out as I will be paying a sitter.
3. See what programs community ed has for the kids and I to attend.
4. Check with the library and see if they have any regular programs at night (story time, etc).
5. Find a hobby or class that I can go to alone.
6. I need help with the stuff at home. I am hoping my sis will step in with some of this if and when she starts watching the kids.
7. See what other county assistance I could qualify for (I checked...none).
8. I got denied for Energy Assistance because I made $100 too much for the 3 months they looked at. That included arrears on child support so I am going to write a letter of appeal.
9. Look into the scholarship program the YMCA has. The kids could go with. There is an expense to drive the 16 miles each way.
10. Look into other programs (family friendly)being offered in my town or surrounding towns.
11. Create a firm weekly schedule.
12. Go back to menu planning to help keep food costs down.
13. Get a list of weekend activities that we can pick from (these are the hardest times for us and we need to stay busy...all of us).
14. Schedule at least one night/month that I can go out and so whatever I want.
15. Start eliminating or limiting people in our lives that are unsupportive or absent (everyone has had enough time to show the support and allegiance...if they have not yet, they never will).
Obviously, some of these have monetary costs and some have emotional costs (like eliminating people). I will need to weigh each of these carefully but ultimately, some decisions need to get made.
Ideas and suggestions are always welcome. I do realize that changing too much too fast can be detrimental too. I am not planning on making all these changes overnight.
**I appreciate all the emails I received. I posted this just for you guys. I did not crawl in a hole. I did some serious thinking**
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Single Parent Blogs Kick Butt
4 comments:
You sound great. Good for you.
You could always do an exercise video at home. Something that will kick your ass like Tae Bo or something. It'll get some aggression out. I prefer yoga myself but that's just me.
Hang in there. Don't lists help? I love lists.
I think you are really on the right track; I like how you are identifying the ANGER because it is such a huge problem sometimes. And eve nthough it doesn't seem to be helping just yet, the talking to people and meds and blogging and therapy WILL ultimately help. Physical activity is also great, provided you can find the time with the kids around-not always easy, I know. My first suggestion would be to pick the one most important thing on the list and start there-it's a beginning.
As usual, I agree with Kori. Do NOT overwhelm yourself with trying to do too much on this list too fast. I've heard it takes three weeks to develop a habit. Choose one thing, and try to develop the habit. Once it is firmly established, then move on to the next. Creating goals is great, but in our lives as single moms, there's a necessity to be realistic about them.
I'm a list person too. Somehow just writing it all down helps me feel like I've accomplished something. Even if I don't follow through with everything, I like to have a plan. Sounds like you're on the right track. Good luck.
Post a Comment