Happiness on a Rainy Day

I have had a surprising feeling of peace today. It came to me very unexpectedly. I am not even certain what caused it.

I know that I talked with 2 people that always have a positive impact on me. My friend E came to my house with her son L. We brought the kids to the park and out to lunch. It was nothing special or phenomenal. But there was an opportunity to sit next to each on the bench at the park. We chit chatted, small talk, basic things that are going on. But it felt good.

As soon as I started towards home, my phone rang and it was my sister. She said she had been reading my blog and asked what was going on. We talked for a little bit about new stuff that was happening. Again, no big deal but I felt better.

These are 2 people that touch my soul. Neither was has to say anything to make me feel better because I know they understand the pain inside of me. It brought me peace.

I did not sit home today. I made plans, I left the house, I came home, I made more plans. V called me and wanted to see the kids. I didn't expect anything from him and that is what I got and it made me feel....nothing. No worries, no cares. I will admit that I used my new found peace as an opportunity to tell V a few things. I was pleasant, I was smart, my thoughts were organized and it came out of my mouth that exact way I envisioned it would. I closed the last door I needed in regards to that to take a step forward.

I did laundry, I gave the kid baths (separate ones these days). I made beds and put clothes away. I braided M's hair. I watched Dora and Little Bill. I washed dishes.

For the first time in many weeks, the prospect of tomorrow does not seem so bad. No guarantees though. I cried most of Friday night after C had the worst meltdown I have ever witnessed. It was ugly, it was hard, I spent many moments contemplating my life and whether I wanted to continue with it (C was crashed on the couch after his meltdown and M shortly after while watching Spiderman 3). But I was strong, I made it through. I worry about the next one. I also spent most of Saturday crying or trying really hard not to cry.

I had zero anxiety today. None, not one moment. I smiled today. I actually had fun with my kids (not so much earlier in the day but later on). It was a good day for all of us.

The kids and I have a REALLY tough week next week. Keep all of us in your thoughts and send us some good vibes!